six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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