did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
