Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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