battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
