I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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