my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
