i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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