I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
