i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
