my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
