Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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