I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
