Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Less talking, more tequila
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
