This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
