Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
