O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
