Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
