I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
