I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
