Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
