I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
A+ Viking dick
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
