You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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