I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize