your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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