A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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