I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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