first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
