its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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