My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
