We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
