i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
