Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
