My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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