How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
