Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
