This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
