i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
