i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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