Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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