Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
