so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
