5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just found a bag of teeth...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
