In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
