you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
