U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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