I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
