They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
