i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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