I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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