my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
