I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
