i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
