she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
