Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
it's like heaven, but drunker
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
