everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
