Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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