You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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