I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
