I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
