i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
