Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
