her vagine was all disorganized.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
