and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
