I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
